im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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