Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
