It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
