3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
