Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
