I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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