Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
