Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found the puke drawer
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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