he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
