this beer tastes like vomit already
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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