I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
