I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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