i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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