guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
