the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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