Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
