Only a mothe r could love this liver
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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