goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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