Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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