All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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