farters have to be the big spoon...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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