I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's shark week go big or go home
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
