Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
