I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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