My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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