Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
