I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
