Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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