In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
