My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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