her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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