I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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