Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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