I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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