somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
