Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
