Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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