So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
