I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
