i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
