My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
