Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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