I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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