dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
