I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
