we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
