I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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