Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
