Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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