don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize