Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
